is my phone working?

are her fingers broken and she can not dial my number?

does she just want to make me sad and cey cause I am the last to know she is coming east?

I think guess I will change my plans and go south this winter instead of west.

Hoping her broken fingers mend so she will call me and tell me when she will be here and that I will not see her because she is to busy.  At least I will will feel her close to me

she send me text messages

then she is gone again

maybe she will see this plea and call me tomorrow or text me tonight

Miss you babe just wanted to make sure everything was swell there

Love Ma

No Chy Chy not in WA but in Altoona PA.  We are opening a new store and I have yet to open a store as a manager and thought I should give it a try.  I have no clue if I will even get and interview but atleast I through my hat in the ring.

It will get me closer to Nate, Mom, Dad, Grams and of course Steven.  Now I have to tell my boss tomorrow and hope he will support me in this quest.  If he does not he is putz.  I am sure he will.

I am still undecided about the job out west that would mean big changes for Steven and I and I am not sure I want to stress our relationship right now but if it is good for my career and I think I really have a shot at it I probably will right now I am just being a whimp and thinking it over.  I am proabably thinking about it to much I should just apply and see what happens.  Let's see the last 4 promotions I have tried for I have gotten I have a great track record and I could do the job it would put me closer to Chy, I would have a whole region (900 stores) not just a market, I would make more money, work longer hours and get to atlanta a lot faster.

Okay I have talked myself into it I am a going to go apply and see what happens.

Chy Chy love you babe sorry I got cut off last night

even with spf 50 I am so sunburnt

we rode down to asseteague island to see the wild ponies

very cool

but we kept riding and 300 plus miles later we are home tired burnt and bitchy.

we forgot the dang camera maybe tomorrow we will go on a shorter ride and take pictures of our lobster color

Chy Chy miss you babe call me soon. Tel you know who hello for me and I am counting days till January.  Steven and I were talking about it last night making plans

Love Ma

Ohh my goodness for the first time in ages I am going to see my favorite and the best football team ever play.  I got tickets to see the redskins play the JETS at fed ex field on Aug 19th.  I have a box and I get to take Nate, Karla, Steven and others.  I am so excited Coach Gibbs knows what a crazy JETS fan I am and when I was there he gave them to me.  I went silly smiling and laughing.  He said he was sorry now cause he and the redskins must kick their butts but this is only a pre season game so it doesn't count.  I am just so thrilled.  Nate is jazzed and we are making plans to make it a full day of eatting football and fun.  Chy Chy we wish you and you know who were joining us.  That would make this day the best.

Well keep yoour fingers crossed and high hopes that the JETS will have a 7-9 season.

I just got done COOKING yes I really did make more than pizza rolls in my toaster oven.  I boiled eggs and made egg salad, then used some for tuna salad, tossed some in my spinach salad (which i ate for lunch) and just finished a cheese mixture with shredded cheeses, sour cream, pamentos (you know those roasted red pepper usually stuffed in olives right now all my olives are stuffed with garlic, almonds and blue cheese), roasted garlic yummy spread in on garlic or olive oil and rosemary triscuts and I can watch nascar all day. 

I spent all weekend by myself no Steven.  I am glad for the alone time ignored my blackberry and hide in bed reading and napping what a wonderful weekend.  Next weekend Steven and I are heading south to some islands on the motorcycle.

Chy Chy I love you and can't wait to talk to you but it will not be till I go back to work monday cause I am not using the blackberry all weekend.

Holls you look great kiddo tell Sherri I said hello.  She and I should keep in touch.

Haven't heard from Nate this weekend I will see him in 2 weeks when I go west to Steven's.

Update on greatgrams she is not having the surgery and still getting phone calls about uncle Jacks bowels.  How lucky can she get.  Maybe Chy you should call her and talk to her about something else.

can you wait till January to get new ink I will go along and get more added to my back. I should get ink with both of my kids and since Nate and I got our first ones together you and I should get our last ones.

How about my sexy Pudge catcher and those red hot Tigers might have to take a road trip to see them again.  What is 8 hours in a car to see your dream man.

It is so darn hot here I am melting I hate the heat I hate the cold I want to be back in seattle were it is normal not real hot not real cold just right.  Gosh now I sound like goldie locks

have a great rest of the week think about waiting for the ink till I get there and think about what I should add to the Goddess on my back.

your the best daughter

love

Ma

Chy Chy had I known he was a ....fan... )I can not bring myself to say it). I don't think I would have married him but he was/is a great dad and he kept that secert from us a very long time.  BTW I think he dislikes the texas team cause they slump in August.  I am sure the M's will pull through strong for your birthday. 

 now I know what to get you a winning streak from the M's

Love you babe crazy work week I just came home to pack I am heading to philly for a few days of work.

Miss you babe you should call your ma more often.  Hint hint hint I do know the best team in baseball and the the best catcher.  Pudge is so sexy and I have kept my secert from him for so long I worry some day he will find out I am single and leave his wife and kids for me.

So I called Chy Chy Saturday night as I was driving from Cumberland MD to Dover DE.  220 miles one way.  I had just spent a week with Steven and loved every minute.  Till depression washed over me like a wave that I couldn't swim out of.  I felt like a fraud a failure and a complete nut case.  Here I was driving away fromt e man I loved because I was scared and depressed.  I should have stayed and talked to him, I should have answered his phone calls (couldn't phone and purse were in the trunk) I should have turned around and talked to him.  Needless to say I did none of the above and in doing htat I hurt him terribly.  Sunday I spent all day in bed barely enough energy to move, I went from crying to tossing and turning trying to sleep.  Today is monday and I couldn't concentrate on work so I left early.  I feel so completely at a loss so depressed I want to sleep and not talk to anyone.

I think I am going to change jobs move back closer to my family.  I miss Nate, I miss my mom and grams, I miss Jennie, I miss Steven.  I feel so alone here and want to get out of here.  I also feel like a failure.  I have never felt like that before even when I did fail at something I never felt all this blackness around me I can't get rid of it.

I have been searching the online sites for natural depression cures.  You should see my counter top all the herbs and vitamins I have hopefully they will work I need something to work or I don't know what I will do

I also started walking an hour a day maybe that will help to

Tim thanks for sharing that picture with me.  She never shares anything with me I have to beg and bug her friends.  I hope you had a good time out there.  I heard you met her dad and his new wife how did that go.  Lyle is such a talker....

I heard a rumor Chy was going to visit you this summer.  I hope this means you two will swing south and meet me and her crazy grandparents. 

Well I have to tell you all about this new toy I got for work the blackberry what an annoying item now work can get me 24/7 email, text, phone etc killing me I am trying ot figure out to loose it

why when I try and view a comment on a photo can't I?  Why does it start my C: drive?

Chy I miss you but you need to call Grams Bonnie and more than 2 times a year her feelings are hurt.  She is more needy than I am.  Call her say HEY,....say I am in love,....say whatever just call her.  Please she is killing me...

I believe in love at first sight ....thank god I can see

I believe in forgiving....thank god I have the heart to forgive

I believe my children are perfect...thank god I miss their faults

I believe I wake up everyday blessed...thank god I wake up

My god and yours may not be the same but I thank our gods we can be friends

***just a  thought***

Chy's Ma

Love you Babe you are a perfect daughter and my best friend

I guess I have a Chy replacement.  Cavutto when can you move in.  Rent will be small 200 a month plus utilities.  I will be out of town this weekend and most of next.  first weekend in June is Race weekend but I do have a ticket for you since you will be sharing your room with me.  My room will have 5 drunk race fans in it.  This is not counting the other 7 in the rest of the house.

We have to start planning for yours/Chy's birthday party.  Start thinking of a theme.  I see you in a grass skirt total beach theme including the coconut bra.  Chy couldn't pull off the bra thing to well but I am confident in you.

Chy you can't ride a vespa because you are challanaged in the balance area.  Love you Babe  ***between you and I I don't think Cavutto will cut it to much of a suck up*** 

Race is on tonight see who is standing and who has wrecked their car again because they are looking for a sales on high heels (yes Jimmy wears high heels and make up)

LOve you babe....miss you....rethink being my roommate

Tony Rules and he doesn't even watch death race 2000 which I am sure Jimmy does (even though I think it is a cult fav movie that rocks)  Yes darling you are irreplaceable just keeping y options open in case I have to find a minor league sub for you.  Darling I sing in my own key and that key is flat, loud and nasty

love you

no your not short just keep your shoes on

Since Chy Chy is not moving east, I am in search of her replacement.  Requirements are putting up with a crazy adoptive mother, get my butt to the gym, love pizza rolls (out of the oven only microwaved ones suck), laugh at my jokes (knock knock....hahahah I can't go on it is to funny), drink wine with me, drive monte with care and love (no parking lot driving allowed Chy blew that for everyone), enjoy every other weekend or so alone ( I get out of town and see Steven, you could come but I think Cumberland MD would bore you), visit Chy's Grams, Pappy, and Bro with me, celebrate your birthday on hers (July 23rd) and anything else that comes with being a stand in for Chy Chy.

I am not sure why Tim thinks I am such a crazy person.  I think I am rather sane just fixated on Chy Chy.  As I know many of you are.  She is a dynamic young woman much like her Ma.

Love you Chy

Ma

Have you ever felt in your heart a person you love most and trust most is not telling you the truth.  Do you confront them or do turn a blind eye to it?  I am sure the person I am questioning knows I am and feels terrible about how they mislead me.  Knows that they have my undying love.  I hope they will gain the backbone to tell me the truth and ask for me to forgive them.

Chy put a message wallpaper on your phone not to call your mom in the middle of the night.  That cabbie scared the crap out of me.  He wanted to know the name of the young man you were with so he could call him.  I probably should have given him the name but I was so shaken I couldn't think.  Glad you got your phone back. 

Love Ma

M's won after loosing 4 in a row.  You must be back on top of the world.  I was at Grams all weekend and saw your Bro he looked so good and we had fun playing hand and foot.  Dolls beat the Guys.  It was a hard fought battle.  update on the future here.  The first weekend in June is Nascar and I will have an apartment full of people crashing here for the weekend.  June 14th and 15th I am going to get Gammy Bonnie and she is coming down to spend two days here.  June 23rd I start vacation and I will be bouncing between here and Cumberland with Steven till the July 4th celebration.  Steve will be in Mass for most of the month of June for his annual guard training.  Then it is all sights set on July 23rd the big 23 for Chy Chy.  Hope she is here to celebrate with me and the family.  Her birthday parties have sucked when she is not here with us but we still get drunk, fall down, put funny hats on her pictures, and sing to them.  much more fun to put funny hats on her and sing really loudly off key.  Over  and Over till she dreams about the song for days.  Oh not dreams they are nightmares.

Love you Chy Chy and your Bro says Hey he loves you too.

okay I have not admited that I really really like Steven but I do.  I dislike moving but seem to do it alot.  I miss Seattle and got comfortable in MD and now I am in DE and miss MD and Seattle daily.  I have figured it out.  I work 15 hours a day 5-6 days a week then go see my family 3 hours away and spend no time on me.  I sit in my car and gain weight and get more unhappy daily.  I want a life.  I want friends that I can't build cause of work and family I want to see a ball game or have a picnic but who do I picnic with.  My Seattle friends can't come I need to make DE friends.  That is my new mission DE friends.

Hey sweetie just checking in with you.  Hoping things are good.  Call me later or send me an email.  Love you.  Heading to Grams this weekend and next weekend.  Sheeesh I am ready for a hiding weekend again.

Love you