depression and my move
So I called Chy Chy Saturday night as I was driving from Cumberland MD to Dover DE. 220 miles one way. I had just spent a week with Steven and loved every minute. Till depression washed over me like a wave that I couldn't swim out of. I felt like a fraud a failure and a complete nut case. Here I was driving away fromt e man I loved because I was scared and depressed. I should have stayed and talked to him, I should have answered his phone calls (couldn't phone and purse were in the trunk) I should have turned around and talked to him. Needless to say I did none of the above and in doing htat I hurt him terribly. Sunday I spent all day in bed barely enough energy to move, I went from crying to tossing and turning trying to sleep. Today is monday and I couldn't concentrate on work so I left early. I feel so completely at a loss so depressed I want to sleep and not talk to anyone.
I think I am going to change jobs move back closer to my family. I miss Nate, I miss my mom and grams, I miss Jennie, I miss Steven. I feel so alone here and want to get out of here. I also feel like a failure. I have never felt like that before even when I did fail at something I never felt all this blackness around me I can't get rid of it.
I have been searching the online sites for natural depression cures. You should see my counter top all the herbs and vitamins I have hopefully they will work I need something to work or I don't know what I will do
I also started walking an hour a day maybe that will help to
You know what will naturally make you less depressed......visiting your freaking daughter. And none of this two-birds-one-stone crap you're trying to pull by coming in January because of you know what with a you know who.
Ma, you aren't a failure. Move back closer to the family, we all need some support, especially from blood-related family members that still have most of their teeth and keep their reproducing to under 3. And are coherent in the early afternoon.
Ma, you should of answered his calls too. That's total bullshit that your phone was in the truck. I talked to you for over an hour on that drive. You would have had to signal to pull over, move into the shoulder, slow the Monte, come to a complete stop, unbuckle, open door, get outta the car, open the trunk, place your purse and phone inside, close the trunk, open the driver's door, climb inside, put back on the seatbelt, put the car in gear, signal to merge, merge into traffic and accellorate. I know you, that is just too much effort. Also, you got my grace, you probably would have fallen into oncoming traffic and hurt yourself.
That's it. I'm gonna have to start calling you more often huh? Is that it? Will that help? Of course because I am perky like sunshine, bright like LiteBrite. I'll cheer ya up. If that don't work, I'll take you out on the town. Or buy ya a bullet. Whatever you prefer. Anything for my Ma.
